After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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