"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
