went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
