My friends, they love my intelligence
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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