I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
