This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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