And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
