Sponge bath it is.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
