she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
