every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
