so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
