he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
