I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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