I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
