When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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