Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
