it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
