Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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