I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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