what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
