the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
