Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
