somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
