dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
