i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
