I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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