This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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