I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
