Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
