the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
