Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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