That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
