i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
sex in a hospital.. check
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
