I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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