glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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