Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
The maid of honor just puked.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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