So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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