im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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