There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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