did you get engaged???
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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