did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
