i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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