The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
