I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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