I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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