I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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