she was so not down for the gang bang
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
