Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
