guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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