i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
