DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I need a burrito and a hug.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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