My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
