Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
